Writing a Killer Query
Note: In the next few months, I will be running articles from a book I wrote a while back on how to get an agent. That book is no longer available, so I am going to share the information free of charge. I hope someone gets something out of it.
In this chapter we will address that all-important one-page query that the agents in the previous chapter talked about.
Query letters and synopses are the bane of writers everywhere. Extremely prolific authors with 200,000-word manuscripts suddenly suffer writer’s block when faced with a letter that starts: “Dear Agent.”
Why are these two products so difficult to write? Perhaps because we are making it harder than it needs to be.
Query letters are simple. You may not believe me, but it’s true. I’m going to help you stop overthinking them, and just get the letter written.
How do you summarize your novel, life experience, and market in just a few short paragraphs? I have devised a format that I believe takes some of the difficulty out of writing a query letter.
To start you need a professional template or format that you use on every contact letter. I have a template with my name, address, phone number, and email address at the top and bottom. I also have a dummy space where I put the contact information and address of the person I am querying. If I am sending requested material to an agent, I always include that in my official address to the person.
Setting yourself up a letterhead template on your word processing program will make each letter much easier. Do not forget your contact information. I cannot emphasize this enough. Make it extremely easy for the agent to get hold of you. With all the queries and manuscripts they receive every day, don’t make it easy for the agent to write you off as a PITA (pain in the, uh, behind) client.
Now, let’s move on to body of the letter.
The Five Ingredients to a Successful Query
There are only five parts to an effective query. This is the format that I follow.
1. Hook
2. Book description/mini-synopsis
3. Genre, word count, market
4. Your credentials
5. Ending
This formula works on queries for both fiction and nonfiction.
Sounds easy, right? It is, if you remember to put it in perspective. A query letter is the tool that you will use to sell your work and yourself to an agent. This is your 30-second Superbowl spot. It needs to be brief, well written, snappy, and include all the vital information.
Let’s start with the hook. What is the most important aspect of your work? You need to focus on something unique, original, and attention getting that sums up your story in one sentence. I advise against using a question for your hook. This is an overused tactic, and one I’m sure that agents are tiring of. Remember that a hook is your slogan. It’s your selling point. It has to be the very best part of your letter. As an example, I will use my own query letter for Outer Darkness, my second book. This query letter received a very positive and enthusiastic response from the agents I queried.
1. Hook: Allison Marie Jensen is a rebellious young Mormon woman whose father rules his world and family like a god.
With this hook, I give the agent a reason to want to read on and be compelled by my storyline. After you find the right hook, you move to the second part of your query, the book description. Remember that a hook should be only one sentence, brief and catchy.
2. Book Description/Mini-Synopsis: The Church sets his right in stone, and Allison chafes under the strictures of fundamental religion. Struggling to leave her abusive past behind, she sets out on a journey of self-discovery only to discover that in trying to destroy her father, the only person she has hurt is herself. Following a brutal attack, Allison retraces her tumultuous childhood years, trying to fill in the gaps of a patchwork memory. She uncovers a conspiracy by a series of Church leaders to cover up the abuses of a sexual predator. Determined to bring him, and those who didn’t stop him, to justice, she sets out on a journey that drastically changes the lives of every member of her family--including her fanatically religious father. Stalked by her rapist, she ultimately discovers the worst betrayal is perpetrated by those who believe themselves to be following God’s will.
Your book description should be as brief and compelling as you can possibly make it. Secondary plots and characters have no place here. You don’t have the time for them. You need to get to the meat of your story. What drives this manuscript? After you have your description down, you move to genre, word count, and market.
3. Genre, word count, market: With recent events spotlighting Utah, including the 2002 Olympics and media coverage, and the trial of polygamist Tom Green, there has been much interest in Utah and the Mormon Church. This 80,000-word work, mainstream women’s fiction, covers much of the history of the Mormon religion, and opens up to the world a closed society about which very little is known.
Should you always include a genre? In my opinion, no. I research the agent I am querying first, before trying to put a “tag” on my work. Most often, agents will decide what genre your work fits in. If you do feel it necessary to use a genre, try to keep it broad and non-specific. From here, we move to your credentials.
4. Credentials: I have over twenty years writing experience, including eleven years with the largest daily newspaper in Salt Lake City. I also served as an editor for the 2001 and 2002 Sundance Film Festivals. Outer Darkness is based on my own upbringing as a Mormon. Through my work with Sundance, I have been approached by several independent producers interested in screenplay rights to Sisterwife (Booklocker, 2001), which is garnering excellent reviews, and was voted number seven in the annual Preditors & Editors Poll for 2002. I have two other books completed, and have started on my fourth.
Keep it short and sweet. Do not list every award you have received, or every school you have attended, but be careful not to leave anything out. After you have introduced yourself, end it on a brief, professional note.
5. Ending: Please let me know if you are interested in reading Outer Darkness. I have enclosed a SASE for your convenience. Best, Natalie R. Collins.
That’s it. Nothing more is needed, except, of course, a SASE for those snail mail queries. Regarding SASEs, I no longer send postage to return an entire manuscript. I have found that agents often lose these costly envelopes, and if they do not, you receive back a dog-eared manuscript that you cannot possibly use again. It is a waste of time and money. Instead, I include a legal-sized SASE for a letter.
Now it’s your turn. Number a piece of paper from one to five. Start with your one-sentence hook and work your way through each element. Keep it simple and short. You can always add more information, something much easier than deleting excess words.
There are really only five important parts of a query. Learn what those parts are, and how to apply them to your book.
If you divide your query into these five parts, it makes your job much easier. If you have included something in your letter that does not fit in one of these groups, you should seriously consider whether or not it is necessary to your query. Some extra things I have seen that I believe work are short quotes from your work, or timely quips. However, don’t try to be funny if you aren’t. This usually backfires and comes across as arrogance.
Queries should never be more than one page, and should always be professionally written, edited, and proofread. Even email queries should contain your contact information, and should be professional.
Speaking of email queries, I have found that agents either embrace them wholeheartedly or despise them. There doesn’t seem to be much middle ground. Research an agent and ask whether or not they are open to e-queries before going this route. I also, however, have had much more success with agents through email queries than I have ever experienced with snail mail queries. I believe this is because agents who are open to email queries are also more open to considering new writers.
“I’m of two minds about this issue,” said Simon Lipskar of Writers House, about receiving e-queries. “On the one hand, email sure beats snail mail in terms of speed and efficiency. On the other hand, email from people I don’t know always feels like an invasion of my privacy, in a way that I find inexplicable but, nonetheless, feel consistently. I’ve received and responded positively to email queries, but I never really like it.”
If an agent’s guidelines unequivocally state that they do not accept e-queries, I would not try this method of submission with them. However, I will note that I have seen quite a few agents in the past year change their policy to begin accepting e-queries, and even have found some agencies that prefer, or only accept e-queries. Some of these agencies include William Clark Associates, Doris S. Michaels Literary Agency, Inc., Linda Chester Associates, Harvey Klinger Inc., and The Vines Agency, all of which can be found in the agent listing in this book.
Now that we have covered the necessary components of your query letter, let’s talk about what you should not put in your query.
1. Boastful statements, such as “If you don’t pick up my manuscript for representation, you will kick yourself in the ass later.” (Yes, I have seen queries that basically said this.)
2. Comments that try to tell the agent his/her business.
3. Too much background information on yourself. Sum it up nicely. Include the key points. Do not list every contest you ever won since the second-grade spelling bee.
4. Hints that your query letter is not personal, but rather is a form letter you sent to every agent on the Association of Authors’ Representatives listing.
5. Typos, grammar problems, spelling errors, smudges, yesterday’s coffee. Sending a letter full of these mistakes says you are an amateur, and do not care about your work—so why should the agent?
6. Mistakes that show you do not know the agent you are querying, i.e., addressing a Ms. as a Mr.
In my recent Agent Workshop for Writing World (http://www.writing-world.com) I saw two mistakes in every single query I critiqued.
1. Repetition
2. Wordiness
Repeating the same words over and over in a query (or a synopsis, or a novel) affects the rhythm and pacing of your writing, and will cause your query to sink like a lead weight. You want something snazzy and catchy, not repetitive and monotonous.
In the English language, there are sayings that we all use automatically. Examples are “in the meantime,” “by and by,” “after a while,” “in an attempt,” etc. These sayings deaden your query, when all you want is tight, crisp verbiage. Also, words like “then,” and “soon” are usually not necessary.
Example: In the meantime, Joe sets fire to the barn in an attempt to flush the alien out. After a while, when nothing happens, he decides to call the fire department when his house catches fire. He wonders how he can explain there is a little green man in his barn.
The above sentence can be easily tightened. (Please note that my example in no way constitutes good writing or plotting.)
Example: Joe sets fire to the barn to flush the alien out. Nothing happens. As he waits, his house catches fire and, chagrined, he calls the fire department.
When you have worked through each of these steps, and checked your query for wordiness and repetition, you are ready to move on. Remember to sign your query personally, and double check to make sure that you have included every item you mention in your letter. If the agent has requested your material, make sure you remind him/her of this.
The bottom line is, make it simple. Don’t overthink your query.
Now that your query is finished, you are ready to check it closely. Although I highly recommend that you have someone else critique your query letter, I do suggest you run through the following steps of self-critique.
1. Make sure your hook is extremely strong. It is the most important part of your manuscript. If you don’t catch the agent with the hook, you might as well not even write the rest of the letter.
2. Be professional.
3. Be brief.
4. Try to clear your mind of what you already know about your manuscript, and read your query like someone who has never heard of you or your book. Are you getting your key points across? Is it clear, or confusing?
5. Your book description/mini-synopsis needs to get to the core of your book. Who are the lead characters? What conflicts are they facing? How do they resolve those conflicts? How does your book end? We will cover more of this in the next chapter, when we cover the long synopsis. But in the query letter, you only have one or two brief paragraphs to convey this information.
6. Know who your market is. You must convince an agent that this book will sell, therefore, you must know who your readers are going to be. If you don’t know who your market is, you should seriously question whether or not you are wasting your time trying to sell this book.
Remember, too, that fiction manuscripts submitted to an agent must be complete. In nonfiction, however, it is common to sell a book based solely on a proposal.
On the next page, you will find a finalized version of my query for Outer Darkness, as an example of a finished query letter.
Here is a sample of my finished query, in proper format.
Natalie R. Collins
555 Want to Be Published Lane
Hopeful, Utah 55555
(555) 555-5555
Email: Nataliewrites@nataliercollins.com
October 31, 2002
Joe SuperAgent
SuperAgents-R-Us
555 Avenue of the Agents
New York, New York 55555
Re: Outer Darkness
Dear Mr. SuperAgent:
Allison Marie Jensen is a rebellious young Mormon woman whose father rules his world and family like a god.
The Church sets his right in stone, and Allison chafes under the strictures of fundamental religion. Struggling to leave her abusive past behind, she sets out on a journey of self-discovery, finding that in trying to destroy her father, the only person she hurts is herself. Following a brutal attack, Allison retraces her tumultuous childhood years, filling in the gaps of a patchwork memory. She uncovers a conspiracy by a series of Church leaders to cover up the abuses of a sexual predator. Determined to bring him, and those who didn’t stop him, to justice, she sets out on a journey that drastically changes the lives of every member of her family--including her fanatically religious father. Stalked by her rapist, she ultimately discovers the worst betrayal is perpetrated by those who believe themselves to be following God’s will.
With recent events spotlighting Utah, including the 2002 Olympics and media coverage, and the trial of polygamist Tom Green, there has been much interest in Utah and the Mormon Church. This 80,000-word work, mainstream women’s fiction, covers much of the history of the Mormon religion, and opens up to the world a closed society about which very little is known.
I have over twenty years writing experience, including eleven years with the largest daily newspaper in Salt Lake City. I also served as an editor for the 2001 and 2002 Sundance Film Festivals. Outer Darkness is based on my own upbringing as a Mormon. Through my work with Sundance, I have been approached by several independent producers interested in screenplay rights to Sisterwife (Booklocker, 2001), which is garnering excellent reviews, and was voted number seven in the annual Preditors & Editors Poll for 2002. I have two other books completed, and have started on my fourth.
Please let me know if you are interested in reading Outer Darkness. I have enclosed a SASE for your convenience.
Sincerely,
Natalie R. Collins
Requested Material
In this chapter we will address that all-important one-page query that the agents in the previous chapter talked about.
Query letters and synopses are the bane of writers everywhere. Extremely prolific authors with 200,000-word manuscripts suddenly suffer writer’s block when faced with a letter that starts: “Dear Agent.”
Why are these two products so difficult to write? Perhaps because we are making it harder than it needs to be.
Query letters are simple. You may not believe me, but it’s true. I’m going to help you stop overthinking them, and just get the letter written.
How do you summarize your novel, life experience, and market in just a few short paragraphs? I have devised a format that I believe takes some of the difficulty out of writing a query letter.
To start you need a professional template or format that you use on every contact letter. I have a template with my name, address, phone number, and email address at the top and bottom. I also have a dummy space where I put the contact information and address of the person I am querying. If I am sending requested material to an agent, I always include that in my official address to the person.
Setting yourself up a letterhead template on your word processing program will make each letter much easier. Do not forget your contact information. I cannot emphasize this enough. Make it extremely easy for the agent to get hold of you. With all the queries and manuscripts they receive every day, don’t make it easy for the agent to write you off as a PITA (pain in the, uh, behind) client.
Now, let’s move on to body of the letter.
The Five Ingredients to a Successful Query
There are only five parts to an effective query. This is the format that I follow.
1. Hook
2. Book description/mini-synopsis
3. Genre, word count, market
4. Your credentials
5. Ending
This formula works on queries for both fiction and nonfiction.
Sounds easy, right? It is, if you remember to put it in perspective. A query letter is the tool that you will use to sell your work and yourself to an agent. This is your 30-second Superbowl spot. It needs to be brief, well written, snappy, and include all the vital information.
Let’s start with the hook. What is the most important aspect of your work? You need to focus on something unique, original, and attention getting that sums up your story in one sentence. I advise against using a question for your hook. This is an overused tactic, and one I’m sure that agents are tiring of. Remember that a hook is your slogan. It’s your selling point. It has to be the very best part of your letter. As an example, I will use my own query letter for Outer Darkness, my second book. This query letter received a very positive and enthusiastic response from the agents I queried.
1. Hook: Allison Marie Jensen is a rebellious young Mormon woman whose father rules his world and family like a god.
With this hook, I give the agent a reason to want to read on and be compelled by my storyline. After you find the right hook, you move to the second part of your query, the book description. Remember that a hook should be only one sentence, brief and catchy.
2. Book Description/Mini-Synopsis: The Church sets his right in stone, and Allison chafes under the strictures of fundamental religion. Struggling to leave her abusive past behind, she sets out on a journey of self-discovery only to discover that in trying to destroy her father, the only person she has hurt is herself. Following a brutal attack, Allison retraces her tumultuous childhood years, trying to fill in the gaps of a patchwork memory. She uncovers a conspiracy by a series of Church leaders to cover up the abuses of a sexual predator. Determined to bring him, and those who didn’t stop him, to justice, she sets out on a journey that drastically changes the lives of every member of her family--including her fanatically religious father. Stalked by her rapist, she ultimately discovers the worst betrayal is perpetrated by those who believe themselves to be following God’s will.
Your book description should be as brief and compelling as you can possibly make it. Secondary plots and characters have no place here. You don’t have the time for them. You need to get to the meat of your story. What drives this manuscript? After you have your description down, you move to genre, word count, and market.
3. Genre, word count, market: With recent events spotlighting Utah, including the 2002 Olympics and media coverage, and the trial of polygamist Tom Green, there has been much interest in Utah and the Mormon Church. This 80,000-word work, mainstream women’s fiction, covers much of the history of the Mormon religion, and opens up to the world a closed society about which very little is known.
Should you always include a genre? In my opinion, no. I research the agent I am querying first, before trying to put a “tag” on my work. Most often, agents will decide what genre your work fits in. If you do feel it necessary to use a genre, try to keep it broad and non-specific. From here, we move to your credentials.
4. Credentials: I have over twenty years writing experience, including eleven years with the largest daily newspaper in Salt Lake City. I also served as an editor for the 2001 and 2002 Sundance Film Festivals. Outer Darkness is based on my own upbringing as a Mormon. Through my work with Sundance, I have been approached by several independent producers interested in screenplay rights to Sisterwife (Booklocker, 2001), which is garnering excellent reviews, and was voted number seven in the annual Preditors & Editors Poll for 2002. I have two other books completed, and have started on my fourth.
Keep it short and sweet. Do not list every award you have received, or every school you have attended, but be careful not to leave anything out. After you have introduced yourself, end it on a brief, professional note.
5. Ending: Please let me know if you are interested in reading Outer Darkness. I have enclosed a SASE for your convenience. Best, Natalie R. Collins.
That’s it. Nothing more is needed, except, of course, a SASE for those snail mail queries. Regarding SASEs, I no longer send postage to return an entire manuscript. I have found that agents often lose these costly envelopes, and if they do not, you receive back a dog-eared manuscript that you cannot possibly use again. It is a waste of time and money. Instead, I include a legal-sized SASE for a letter.
Now it’s your turn. Number a piece of paper from one to five. Start with your one-sentence hook and work your way through each element. Keep it simple and short. You can always add more information, something much easier than deleting excess words.
There are really only five important parts of a query. Learn what those parts are, and how to apply them to your book.
If you divide your query into these five parts, it makes your job much easier. If you have included something in your letter that does not fit in one of these groups, you should seriously consider whether or not it is necessary to your query. Some extra things I have seen that I believe work are short quotes from your work, or timely quips. However, don’t try to be funny if you aren’t. This usually backfires and comes across as arrogance.
Queries should never be more than one page, and should always be professionally written, edited, and proofread. Even email queries should contain your contact information, and should be professional.
Speaking of email queries, I have found that agents either embrace them wholeheartedly or despise them. There doesn’t seem to be much middle ground. Research an agent and ask whether or not they are open to e-queries before going this route. I also, however, have had much more success with agents through email queries than I have ever experienced with snail mail queries. I believe this is because agents who are open to email queries are also more open to considering new writers.
“I’m of two minds about this issue,” said Simon Lipskar of Writers House, about receiving e-queries. “On the one hand, email sure beats snail mail in terms of speed and efficiency. On the other hand, email from people I don’t know always feels like an invasion of my privacy, in a way that I find inexplicable but, nonetheless, feel consistently. I’ve received and responded positively to email queries, but I never really like it.”
If an agent’s guidelines unequivocally state that they do not accept e-queries, I would not try this method of submission with them. However, I will note that I have seen quite a few agents in the past year change their policy to begin accepting e-queries, and even have found some agencies that prefer, or only accept e-queries. Some of these agencies include William Clark Associates, Doris S. Michaels Literary Agency, Inc., Linda Chester Associates, Harvey Klinger Inc., and The Vines Agency, all of which can be found in the agent listing in this book.
Now that we have covered the necessary components of your query letter, let’s talk about what you should not put in your query.
1. Boastful statements, such as “If you don’t pick up my manuscript for representation, you will kick yourself in the ass later.” (Yes, I have seen queries that basically said this.)
2. Comments that try to tell the agent his/her business.
3. Too much background information on yourself. Sum it up nicely. Include the key points. Do not list every contest you ever won since the second-grade spelling bee.
4. Hints that your query letter is not personal, but rather is a form letter you sent to every agent on the Association of Authors’ Representatives listing.
5. Typos, grammar problems, spelling errors, smudges, yesterday’s coffee. Sending a letter full of these mistakes says you are an amateur, and do not care about your work—so why should the agent?
6. Mistakes that show you do not know the agent you are querying, i.e., addressing a Ms. as a Mr.
In my recent Agent Workshop for Writing World (http://www.writing-world.com) I saw two mistakes in every single query I critiqued.
1. Repetition
2. Wordiness
Repeating the same words over and over in a query (or a synopsis, or a novel) affects the rhythm and pacing of your writing, and will cause your query to sink like a lead weight. You want something snazzy and catchy, not repetitive and monotonous.
In the English language, there are sayings that we all use automatically. Examples are “in the meantime,” “by and by,” “after a while,” “in an attempt,” etc. These sayings deaden your query, when all you want is tight, crisp verbiage. Also, words like “then,” and “soon” are usually not necessary.
Example: In the meantime, Joe sets fire to the barn in an attempt to flush the alien out. After a while, when nothing happens, he decides to call the fire department when his house catches fire. He wonders how he can explain there is a little green man in his barn.
The above sentence can be easily tightened. (Please note that my example in no way constitutes good writing or plotting.)
Example: Joe sets fire to the barn to flush the alien out. Nothing happens. As he waits, his house catches fire and, chagrined, he calls the fire department.
When you have worked through each of these steps, and checked your query for wordiness and repetition, you are ready to move on. Remember to sign your query personally, and double check to make sure that you have included every item you mention in your letter. If the agent has requested your material, make sure you remind him/her of this.
The bottom line is, make it simple. Don’t overthink your query.
Now that your query is finished, you are ready to check it closely. Although I highly recommend that you have someone else critique your query letter, I do suggest you run through the following steps of self-critique.
1. Make sure your hook is extremely strong. It is the most important part of your manuscript. If you don’t catch the agent with the hook, you might as well not even write the rest of the letter.
2. Be professional.
3. Be brief.
4. Try to clear your mind of what you already know about your manuscript, and read your query like someone who has never heard of you or your book. Are you getting your key points across? Is it clear, or confusing?
5. Your book description/mini-synopsis needs to get to the core of your book. Who are the lead characters? What conflicts are they facing? How do they resolve those conflicts? How does your book end? We will cover more of this in the next chapter, when we cover the long synopsis. But in the query letter, you only have one or two brief paragraphs to convey this information.
6. Know who your market is. You must convince an agent that this book will sell, therefore, you must know who your readers are going to be. If you don’t know who your market is, you should seriously question whether or not you are wasting your time trying to sell this book.
Remember, too, that fiction manuscripts submitted to an agent must be complete. In nonfiction, however, it is common to sell a book based solely on a proposal.
On the next page, you will find a finalized version of my query for Outer Darkness, as an example of a finished query letter.
Here is a sample of my finished query, in proper format.
Natalie R. Collins
555 Want to Be Published Lane
Hopeful, Utah 55555
(555) 555-5555
Email: Nataliewrites@nataliercollins.com
October 31, 2002
Joe SuperAgent
SuperAgents-R-Us
555 Avenue of the Agents
New York, New York 55555
Re: Outer Darkness
Dear Mr. SuperAgent:
Allison Marie Jensen is a rebellious young Mormon woman whose father rules his world and family like a god.
The Church sets his right in stone, and Allison chafes under the strictures of fundamental religion. Struggling to leave her abusive past behind, she sets out on a journey of self-discovery, finding that in trying to destroy her father, the only person she hurts is herself. Following a brutal attack, Allison retraces her tumultuous childhood years, filling in the gaps of a patchwork memory. She uncovers a conspiracy by a series of Church leaders to cover up the abuses of a sexual predator. Determined to bring him, and those who didn’t stop him, to justice, she sets out on a journey that drastically changes the lives of every member of her family--including her fanatically religious father. Stalked by her rapist, she ultimately discovers the worst betrayal is perpetrated by those who believe themselves to be following God’s will.
With recent events spotlighting Utah, including the 2002 Olympics and media coverage, and the trial of polygamist Tom Green, there has been much interest in Utah and the Mormon Church. This 80,000-word work, mainstream women’s fiction, covers much of the history of the Mormon religion, and opens up to the world a closed society about which very little is known.
I have over twenty years writing experience, including eleven years with the largest daily newspaper in Salt Lake City. I also served as an editor for the 2001 and 2002 Sundance Film Festivals. Outer Darkness is based on my own upbringing as a Mormon. Through my work with Sundance, I have been approached by several independent producers interested in screenplay rights to Sisterwife (Booklocker, 2001), which is garnering excellent reviews, and was voted number seven in the annual Preditors & Editors Poll for 2002. I have two other books completed, and have started on my fourth.
Please let me know if you are interested in reading Outer Darkness. I have enclosed a SASE for your convenience.
Sincerely,
Natalie R. Collins
Requested Material
posted by Natalie | 7:26 PM
4 Comments:
I have only a quick comment to share, but to add some context let me say that I've written something like 150 books in the reference category (computers, business, finance, stuff like that). I also ran a small business-computer book publishing entity for a few years... (Search "stephen l. nelson" at amazon to see the "real list.")
OK, with that information on the table, my one other comment about writing query letters to agents is to remember that ultimately the publisher will need to sell your work by writing PR releases for periodicals that go to the book buyers who will buy your book and the readers who will read your book.
Anything one can put in an agent or publisher query letter that plainly lets them sell to these "downstream" markets will help, IMHO.
Thank you for your advice!
Many institutions limit access to their online information. Making this information available will be an asset to all.
this kind of blog always useful for blog readers, it helps people during research. your post is one of the same for blog readers.
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