THE REAL DEAL

Hollywood has a long-standing history of misrepresenting “real life.” In general, people are more attractive and more successful and seem to have a lot fewer problems than the rest of us. Hollywood’s representation of “real death” is no different. With few exceptions—the movie Seven, for example—Hollywood tends to give the impression that only beautiful people die.

Here’s a typical Hollywood image:

A body lies flat on a tray in the morgue with the head and shoulders exposed under a sheet folded as though they had just been tucked into bed. The face has an almost blissful look on it as it lies there. If it weren’t for the stab wound or gunshot wound, the body would look as though it had been prepared for viewing at the mortuary.

Here’s a more realistic image:

The only way a person is going to lie perfectly flat in a morgue is if he or she died perfectly flat. In most cases, a cadaver assumes nearly the same posture it had when it died—with the exception of any areas of rigor that were “broken” as the body was moved, examined, and strapped down for transport. More often than not, a person’s legs are bent at the knees and the hands are not straight down at the sides and the sheet covering the body is usually stained with whatever substance is present on the body.

In reality, the eyes and mouth are commonly open or at least “ajar” and the hair is a rat’s nest. “Bed head” has nothing on “dead head.” I’ve seen bodies on TV that were recovered from a wooded area, but that same body lying on a slab in the morgue doesn’t have a single leaf in its hair. I can only assume that the experts in the crime scene unit meticulously collected every leaf and twig from the hair—to the tune of a classic rock song—and that one of the leaves was traced back to a rare breed of ficus located in the lobby of the building where the killer’s gynecologiest’s office was located.

Hollywood cadavers are in fairly decent physical shape and have the same level of hygiene as an actor in a body wash commercial. In reality, here are some of the more common findings underneath the sheet:

–a person with morbid obesity
–a person with neglected toenails and/or fingernails
–a person with questionable personal hygiene
–a person with nonexistent personal hygiene
–a person unaware that the concept of personal hygiene even existed
–a person that assumed water was only meant to be taken internally

All of these elements are commonly found but rarely portrayed by directors. I’m sure there’s a valid reason for this disparity between fiction and reality. Playing devil’s advocate, I would argue that portraying death too accurately is probably taboo. If that’s the case, then it must be the last taboo. After all, we live in a world no longer afraid to broadcast reality television, presidential sexcapades, and images of Janet Jackson’s bare breast.